A little on other people

As I've mentioned in the recent past, I'm in this huge learning phase of my life right now...must be something about my mid-20s.

Let me tell you, it's not alawys easy. Sometimes it's downright frustrating. I am most often stubborn, and at times rather prideful...neither of those traits work well in this game of learning and adapting that is life.

One thing I've noticed lately in my efforts to live the life I believe in is that, generally speaking, people spend a lot of time thinking about the thoughts and actions of others. But really, is that the best use of brain power?

I'm guilty of this too, and when I consciously tell myself that I'm going to worry about my own happiness and not let someone else's thoughts and emotions negatively affect my own - because let's be honest here, we can only pretend to know what someone else is thinking or feeling until they actually tell us, even when their body language seems to say it all - I'm able to do so successfully for a short period of time before I slip right back into old habits.

They say habits take 21 days to form or break...but that's a really freaking long time in some instances...

I've been cursed with this intrinsic desire to want to please everyone, and often that leads to me being frustrated and unhappy because A) you can never please everyone, and 2) I tend to ignore my own wants and needs in the process.

So slowly, over time, I've learned when and how to stand up for the things that I want. However, I'm still very much working on this. It's gotten easier at work, in skydiving, but for some reason when it comes to my interpersonal relationships (read: friends, family), I wait to speak up until it's too late.

I'm sure y'all have been there before...when the time does come that you're like, "yeah, this isn't gonna work for me," you're already so far down the path (of whatever the situation is) that frustration ensues.

But, this is so not the point.

The point is that people spend way too much of their conscious life worrying about what other people are doing - even when it doesn't affect them in the slightest. Things like Facebook and blogs only encourage that type of thought, as it makes the curious mind very available to finding out what people are up to.

It's funny sometimes. I had a friend who was obsessed with online stalking her ex after they broke up. They remained Facebook friends and she would poke around pictures that people posted online, look at profiles of girls he was friends with, and just generally obsess over the things he was doing. She'd even use Facebook status updates to physically stalk him at parties and events and try to play it off as a random run in.

Yes, that's an extreme example of what I mean, but the picture is a little clearer now, is it not? :)

We've all been guilty of the online voyeurism that has become so mainstream and so acceptable. For those of us who work in the social media and online space, it's nearly impossible to avoid, but it might be wise to consciously do so.

My Facebooking and social media behavior has definitely evolved over time, from reconnecting with old friends in college to staying in touch with close ones after, to keeping updated on the real-life communities in which I'm active, to posting things that say "look at me and the cool shit I'm doing," to realizing that social media has a greater overall purpose: Sure, it's good for these things, but it's also a great resource for acquiring knowledge.

There is so much out there to consume these days, that you need filters to help you decide what is relevant. And sometimes, these mediums can act as a good resources. Those campaigns, videos and cool things that are truly viral will certainly find their way into your newsfeed so you can keep up on the latest and you're not missing out at the water cooler.

But it's up to you to consciously consume exactly what it is that will lead you one step closer to that life you believe in (see, it's coming full circle...thought I'd never get there?...I was kinda wondering myself ;0)

Personally, I started to hide updates from friends who do nothing but talk about their daily lives: I'm at work, I'm at home, I'm eating a sandwich, I'm pooping....none of that is relevant to me. But of course, these people are legitimate friends who just tend to overshare. That's their choice, and I love them no less for it, I just don't need those updates by the minute.

On a more extreme level, I've unfriended people who are not legitimately friends. After all, why would I want to see updates from people I don't even really care for, or people who have made it known they don't care for me. That's not productive, and doesn't lend a hand in my becoming a better person. Those I've kept around - whether they are real-life friends from college/high school, new friends from my travels, or interesting people that I've encountered via social media - contribute to my happiness and add to the wealth of information I like to consume online.

Those are some of my personal efforts to prevent myself from consuming any valuable part of my day worrying about what other people are doing....and it prevents me from worrying so much about who sees information about me, and subsequently what they think of me. But that's an entirely different issue for another day.

Hope you found my long winded brain dump useful. But if not, oh well, I can't concern myself with that ;).

Cheers!

-A

On being a brand whore

If there's one thing in this world that I'm not, it's a brand whore.

I've always been one to shop cheaply. Sure, I like to have some of the latest styles, which I usually pick up from stores like H&M, but I mainly shop for classic pieces like black/grey

dresses, cardigans, Mary Janes, straight leg/boot cut jeans, classic boots...you get the picture.

It's rare that I will buy anything from stores like BCBG or Calvin Klein. I'm more of a Banana Republic, Black House White Market, Ann Taylor Loft kinda girl...and these are for my high end clothes.

Though I do have a confession to make, when it comes to Coach, I can't say no!

This weekend, since the weather was poopy, my fiance and I headed out to the outlet malls west of the city. I wasn't impressed by most of the stores there, that is, until we came to the Coach outlet.

I couldn't help myself, I just had to go in.

Earlier in the day I had pointed out a purse that a girl was carrying that I really liked. Having just glanced at it, I hadn't noticed what brand it was....until of course, I walked into Coach and there it was, staring me in the face. After seeing the $200 price tag I walked swiftly away, knowing I couldn't afford it at the time.

Then I came across this scarf that was amazing! Having just purchased a black trench, I couldn't help but think how great the two would go together....but I refrained and walked out of the store.

My fiance ended up convincing me that I should buy the scarf, as it was fairly inexpensive, and something I really wanted. And let me tell you, I'm so glad I did. Check it!

It's large and warm and comfy and I love it!

Now, it might just be time to start my Christmas wish list, with the Coach purse listed squarely at the top :).

Tell me I'm not alone here...what brands can you just not resist?

Cheers!

Ashley

It's a small, small world

I'm sure this is something you already know, what with the whole 6 degrees of separation thing, and likely something you've experienced first hand. But I have to tell you that within a span of 10 minutes at lunch today, my head was spinning.

Here's why.

So in order to get to Union Station from my building, I need to take this express bus shuttle. I mean, I know I could walk, but who has the time for that? And I'm certainly not going to pay $6 each way in a cab that is too hot and makes me nauseated. It's kinda nifty, this express bus, and you can buy 10-ride passes for less than $20 at the bank in my building.

As I go to do this, I find out that I can get $5/month off if I open up a checking account. Naturally, I want to know how I can get this account for free, so that I'm not actually paying more in the end.

Long story short the branch manager comes over to explain. It comes up that I grew up in Michigan, as did he, and his family lives a stones throw away from mine (okay, so not quite that close, but you get the idea). His little cousins even graduated from the same high school as me, though they were much younger, so I'm not familiar.

Cool, none the less.

So then I head out of the bank to get the bus schedule from the front desk. Why they don't have them where they sell the tickets is beyond me, but that's not the point.

As I'm walking up to the desk I see a co-worker in the lobby as she's meeting up with a friend for lunch. Turns out, this friend used to work for my company and we did a couple projects together back in the day. Not only that, he went to college with one of my best friends....in Florida.

You following?

1. Random manager of a bank grows up practically my neighbor in podunk Michigan.

2. Friend of a colleague used to work with me.

3. Said friend went to college, 1,000 or so miles away, with one of my best friends.

4. All within the span of 10 minutes.

For just having moved to this city, I'm amazed with how many connections have already been made. Most of my friends in Texas were acquired by these same means - small world, we both went to MSU...you know, that kind of thing.

So tell me dear readers, what have been some of your small world experiences as of late? Am I the only one encountering this craziness?

Cheers!

Ashley

RAVE: Timbuk2

For those who have been keeping up on Twitter, Foursquare or my other blog, you likely know that I recently moved to Chicago. It's been a whirlwind couple weeks to say the least, but I'm already loving it.

One thing that people always want to know is where I'm living...and believe it or not, this 20-something is living in the suburbs. Guess I'm already embracing married life since my fiance and I found a nice place West of the city (an apartment, till I'm able to find a house...holy crap I'm growing up! When did that happen?!).

Anyhow, being a commuter, I did some research on high-quality commuter bags that can hold your computer and other items that I might need to take back and forth to work every day.

It was recommended to me, via a Twitter request, to take a look at Timbuk2, with the disclaimer that they tend to be high priced. Sure, they are a little on the pricey end, but when you look at what you're getting, they are well worth the investment.

Not only does this bag hold my laptop in a waterproof outside pouch that conveniently unzips from the bag so it can go through airport security without being physically removed (thanks to whoever invented TSA friendly luggage), but it can hold just about anything else I need to bring with me without getting overly bulky.

On a normal day I carry a laptop, charger, two notebooks, an extra pair of shoes, water bottle, glasses, phone, iPod, keys and wallet, and on occasion I've even have a makeup bag and extra jacket or sweater depending on the weather. Oh, and I've always got a scarf with me...never know when you'll need that in the windy city.

The bag I chose was the commute 2.0 in graphite green and I couldn't be happier with it. There are compartments galore so that everything has a place, my phone, iPod, keys (with attached lanyard so I can't lose them), even my train ticket has it's designated spot! The main inside pocket expands to hold just about anything. And I purchased the gripster strap pad for an extra $10 to prevent the bag from moving around on my shoulder while in transit. It's super comfy too!

What's really cool about these products, is that they're fully customizable. For a little extra, you can design your own bag, colors, fabrics, accessories and all. It's pretty neat. Check it out here.

I have to say, I've got a bit of a weak back, I always have, so comfort was key. With this bag I never feel like I'm being weighed down or having to hunch over to relieve pain from the stress on my back. The strap never digs into my shoulder, unless of course I'm careless and forget to position the strap pad before throwing it on. But that's my own dumb fault.

Regardless, I couldn't be more happy with my Timbuk2 bag! I may very well have to create my own bag one of these days...and just maybe, I'll video the process so you can see just how nifty it is.

Cheers!

Ashley

Rant: Vote for me!

So it's been a while. And I want to apologize for that up front. Lots has happened since we last talked...I got engaged, I moved to Chicago (with the same wonderful company) and life is busier than ever. But, I've made it a priority to start writing again, and there's a long list of items I'd like to cover.

To start, I'd like to get a rant off my chest from this morning.

So, I moved.

I live outside the city in the West Suburbs and take the Metra train in every day. What might surprise you, is that I actually really like this commute. I can catch up on things like my Google Reader, a prep my mind on the way into the office. On the way home, it gives me a bit of solo time with my iPod to wind down.

But none of this is the point.

This morning, as I'm waiting inside the train station for my express train (as it was only 39 degrees at 6:30am...brr) I was approached by two men who are running for some sort of political office. The first man interrupted my music listening, but was polite and brief. The second was an entirely different story. As I was in the middle of replying to an email, he stood over me and cleared his throat...loud enough to disrupt my jamming to 311. I took out one ear bud and pretended to listen to his drivel.

He paused as he went to hand me his little pamphlet and asked "are those yours?" pointing to the two business cards I had set beside my coffee on the bench next to me.

I nodded.

"Well then maybe I should just keep this. We don't want to litter the train station," as he proceeded to pull his stack of pamphlets close to his chest, as if I would try to thieve them so I could litter all over town.

Excuse me?

Since when is setting something down, temporarily, within arms length, next to the coffee I am currently drinking, considered littering? Is this your way of telling me that you've got some kind of green initiative too?

He was rude and condescending. I stopped what I was doing to be polite to him, and all he could do was talk to me as if I was a child. Granted, I don't look like a successful, career focused mid-20something, but that doesn't make his approach with me any more acceptable.

I stuck out my hand, grabbed his stupid pamphlet (knowing full well I would be blogging about this) and stuck my ear bud back in without another word.

Oh but the things I wanted to say. Lucky for Mr. Jim Speta my coffee hadn't kicked in yet.

There's a good chance I'm not voting anyhow, but if I were, this would completely deter me from voting for Jim Speta for Illinois State Representative District 47, even if the other candidates were terrible.

Maybe I'm being a bit harsh, but really, if you're going to approach me at 6:30am to interrupt my routine to tell me about why I should vote for you, don't you think you should at the very least have a little respect for me? I certainly do.

Note to those campaigning, we don't have to take your crap, but most of us will even though most of us won't read it. I didn't litter, nor did I throw your literature in the trash. In fact, what I will be doing momentarily is recycling it. Thanks for helping me support my green initiative, Jim Speta.

Jerk.

End rant.

I promise, my next update will be much more upbeat as I've had some great experiences I'd like to pass along to y'all. Until then...

Cheers!

-A

Rave: Sparking Ice

Lunch today was hurried, as it is on most Mondays. Between conference calls I headed down to the little cafe in my building and ordered a grilled cheese on wheat.

Quick and easy.

I opted not to get a diet soda as normal, because with all the meetings I have today the last thing I needed was to be getting up to pee every 15 minutes.

So instead, I grabbed a new drink - and boy am I glad I did!

What caught my eye was the flavor: black raspberry. Different - I like different.

At the time, given that I was in a rush, I just thought this was flavored water. But to my surprise, it's lightly carbonated! I'm not normally a fan of carbonated beverages out of a bottle (yes, I know it's weird, but it's strong sometimes, and a little overwhelming with all the bubbles), though that wasn't the case with this drink.

It's yummy and sweet and refreshing - paired perfectly with a grilled cheese sandwich!

What's even better, is that it's sweetened with Splenda. I've been trying to stay about from aspartame (though it's difficult with diet soda) so this was a huge plus for me.

I'm also a huge fan of the slender bottle, works great for sticking it in a bag or purse and taking it on the go. In fact, I'm likely going to save this bottle to refill once the Sparkling Ice is gone...

...which is likely going to be soon. I can't put this stuff down.

Try out all the other yummy flavors they have and be sure to let us know how much you love them!

Cheers!

-A

Getting it figured out in your 20s

Okay, so this is a random, quarter-life crisis post I suppose. I'm sharing a few of the lessons that have recently been uncovered in my life. It appears 2010 is a year of learning for me, so I'm embracing it and sucking up every ounce of knowledge that life has to offer...and now I'm going to share these learnings with you. Take this as you will - the advice might apply or it might not, but I believe it's insight worth sharing. Cheers!

******************************

So I've come to the conclusion that your 20s is really when you learn the most. Sure you go to school for nearly 20 years and that's supposed to be where you soak up your knowledge - in the classroom - but in reality you learn nothing about the real world until you are eyeballs deep in it.

When you're in school, your friends are right along beside you. In the real world, true friends are few and far between, and you often learn the hard way who those friends are. Though, it's bittersweet, because learning who the real ones are can give you all sorts of warm fuzzies, while learning that those you once trusted aren't what they seemed can be disheartening. But I believe there's a reason for the connections that stick. There are just some people you click with from the beginning and usually these are the people who play an important role in your life. I have yet to learn exactly why this might be, maybe it's not for me to understand. I'll be sure to share if I ever figure it out.

I've also learned to embrace those wonderful female relationships - those women who have stuck by me through the craziness of my life will never truly know how grateful I am because I can't do enough to show them that. This goes for everyone from my mother to my girlie cousins (no matter how far away) to my grandmother to my best friends and all those badass women adrenaline junkies I've had the pleasure to share the sky with (and some I can't wait to one day). Women are crazy bitches, we all are, but those that trust and love you go above and beyond. Hold those ladies tight and be sure to do right by them. We all need each other...sticking together is key!

When you're in your 20s you also learn about priorities, what's most important to your well-being. There have been a number of events recently that have shown me what's important in life and what can wait. Personally, I'm also learning balance. Until recently I've been an all or nothing kinda girl. If I'm going to do something, I'm going to completely emerse myself in it, never coming up for air, until I've accomplished exactly what I set out to do. Turns out, that doesn't work as well as I once thought. There's gotta be a balance. Life is like baking. There are lots of ingredients that make your life into the perfect pastry...I have yet to figure out the precise amounts of each "ingredient," but I finally start to feel like I'm getting there. I haven't made the perfect cupcake yet, but at least it's got a cake-like texture.

Okay, that got lame. Apologies.

Now is this a time for figuring out who you are and what you want to do with your life, but it's also a time to figure out how to BELIEVE in who you are. One thing I've learned is that you can't compromise who you are for other people. Most people in this world suck - they're selfish and don't give a shit about you, so why give a crap about them? Stay true to who you are, and those that matter most will stick around. Besides, you're at your best when you can completely be yourself. Personally, I want to be around people who appreciate me for who I am, and vice versa. Fakeness has never worked for me - it doesn't work for most, I have a feeling, as I can often see right through those who try too hard.

Be there for your family, make them a priority. Whether you like it or not, they're not going anywhere, so you might as well enjoy the time you spend with them. You might be surprised how much you love the company of these people with whom you share a bloodline. ;)

Though I've come to learn that "family" doesn't necessarily mean what I once thought. You don't have to be blood relation to be apart of a family. My closest friends are my family. My boyfriend is my family. And of course, my actual family is my family. I'm lucky to have incredibly supportive relatives - not everyone does. But those people who stick by you and support you and love you, they are your family too. Treat them as such. Be loyal and commit to them the way they have to you.

Be a part of something bigger than yourself. This can be anything from volunteering to starting a family or even owning a pet, to devoting your life's actions to a particular cause. This will help you step out of the selfish life most of us lived growing up and become a useful part of society. It also will help you realize that it's not always about you (some people desperately need to learn this lesson - though unfortunately, some never will) there are bigger, more important things out there. Strive to make an impact.

Be polite. Smile as often as possible. Say thank you. These little things make a huge difference, and you never know when that might be the brightest spot in someone's day.

Have passion for something. Anything. Whether it's a hobby, your family, even your career. This is where you can truly learn to live. Passion gives you something to wake up for in the morning. It provides a direction. It makes progress in this area seem less like work - it becomes enjoyable. Passionate people are the ones who make an impact in this world. They care and they are devoted to this passion. They do something with their life. I like to be passionate about everything I do, it helps you live in the moment. Which brings me to my next point...

Live in the moment you're in. Often we spend too much time looking ahead or dwelling on the past, but we're missing what's happening in front of us. Stop. Embrace the moment. Talk less and listen more. This is great advice I was once given by someone much wiser than me. I'm just the messenger...still working on this one. Each and every day.

Let's see...what else.

Oh right! Your health. Take it into your own hands. When you're a kid you have to go to the doctor, your parents make you. Be proactive as an adult. Make appointments, take a multivitamin, eat healthy, don't smoke, don't drink like you're still in college. Bad shit can creep up on you fast. Beat it to the punch.

I'm sure there's some advice about money and saving for your future and all that, but honestly that's not a lesson I've completely learned yet. Budgeting and sticking to it is a challenge I continue to struggle with...'saving' might as well be a four letter word in my vocabulary. Hopefully one day life will show me the way - preferably not so much the hard way.

Either way, your 20s is a time for getting it figured it out, hopefully. Though I'm confident the learning continues throughout life, the 20s seems to be a decade of learning by doing -- life isn't something you can learn in a textbook. It's all about experience, making mistakes, or even doing the right thing the first time and knowing it was right.

Many of my lessons have come this year, 26 is the magic age, apparently. Family, relationships, being a part of something bigger, responsibility - these are all things that have made themselves not only apparent but a priority in my life. I have a feeling this is just the beginning of what I'm about to discover. If you're interested, I'll keep sharing as I continue learning.

What are some of the lessons life has taught you lately?

Cheers!

-A