A not so formal announcement

Here it is:

I got married.

That's right. It wasn't that long ago that you heard about the engagement. We operate fast.

Truth of the matter is, there were a handful of reasons why we went ahead and "ran off" to do this on our own - like wedding planning is insane when you're trying to hold down a full time job and seriously, have you seen the prices of invitations these days? But what's most important here is that we did it for us. The way we wanted to. Without killing our families and each other in the process (not literally, of course).

So we did what we wanted. It was about us. It is about us, and our marriage. The rest of our lives together. That's what a wedding is about, after all, the ensuing marriage (something I get a sense that a lot of people forget as they engross themselves in planning the big day).

But know this, it wasn't about intentionally leaving people out, even though I've been getting a lot of flack about that lately.

We called our families to give them the news and then we posted it on Facebook for the world to see. Sure, maybe there was a better way to go about it, but with everyone engrossed in social media these days in one form or another, it was the most efficient way - with both of us living in states where we didn't grow up and the majority of our friends and family don't reside - to spread the news.

Seriously, if there weren't enough hours in the day to plan a wedding then there certainly wasn't enough time to call everyone and their third cousin to spread the word that we eloped - especially when we're still planning for a formal celebration of some kind this summer. You know, like a post-wedding reception, only a few months later. Who ever said you have to have a formal celebration on the day you get married?

This might sound harsh, but I do have to say that it's a bit disheartening when first reactions from friends aren't "congrats, that's so awesome" they're "why did I have to find out on Facebook?"

Well, truth is, because it's not about you.

Even my grandmother was thrilled for us. And if you'd expect anyone in a family unit to be a stickler about tradition, it'd be grandma, right? Nope. Pure excitement. :)

I consider myself to be a pretty generous person, putting the needs of the people who are closest to me in my life before my own, more often than not. I bend over backwards to please. But this time, we did what was needed for our own happiness - me and my husband. And guess what, it worked. We're married, and we're happy, and we love each other and we didn't spend 9 months and $30 grand planning an elaborate wedding that neither of us wanted in the first place.

But we do want to celebrate with our friends and family, because it matters to us, so we will, at some point. Until then, join me in celebrating our lovely marriage every day, will you?

Cheers!

-A

Gossip web

It appears that recently I've been caught in this web of he said, she said with a number of people in my life.

This scenario seems to happen every couple years, where I, for one reason or another, am seen as the trustworthy friend that everyone comes to in order to talk about their other friends behind their backs (which, rightfully so, I AM that trustworthy friend!). It gets even more confusing when those friends are connected to one another and they're all talking about each other. It's hard for the listener to keep up.

I guess I've never fully understood gossip. I mean, sure, we all need to vent every now and again when something or someone gets under our skin. This is just being human. And I'm a huge believer in what is said between two people is not considered gossip, but rather, it's a closed door meeting of the minds to help resolve frustration for one or both parties involved. There is nothing wrong with this, so long as the conversation doesn't go any farther than that.

But, what I've found, is that it usually does.

Lately, with all the confiding that people have been doing (in me), I have to wonder how much gossiping they're doing with others (about me). You hear the old saying that those who talk about others to you are likely to talk about you behind your back - or however that goes - and I can't help but think through that statement as I'm being asked about my opinions about the people I consider my friends.

Thing is, we put a lot of trust in our friends. So if you've earned a friendship with someone (because as I see it, true friendship takes time to be earned), doing anything that doesn't fully support them - especially in front of others - would be a breech of said trust and would quickly lead to a loss of faith in the relationship, right? Talking bad about someone's character behind there back will do just that.

(Note: this does not include those times where your friends are about to do something so stupid they could ruin their lives and/or the lives of those around them. In situations such as these, the only good-friend move is to set them straight. People need their friends for honest feedback, too.)

So, for anyone who questions it, here's the scoop: if you're truly my friend, you can count on the vault being sealed. Anything I say to someone else about a situation that involves you is something I've already said to you - assuming it's even appropriate to discuss with others in the first place.

This goes for friends and family. There's no purpose in me gossiping about you behind your back, so you can count on me. I hope you can say the same.

Cheers!

-A

Blog Snob

The more involved I get with social media, the more I realize how much of a blog snob I am.

As I see it, when it comes to social media content, it should be easy for the end user to consume. What I mean by that is, it's should be easy to read and understand.

Blogs that get too technical and have too much jargon, even when the topic is rather technical, rarely make it to my Google Reader. If wordy, in depth articles is what I was out to read, I'd do a search for an academic or journal article, not a blog.

With blogs, I expect, concise, easy to read information on whatever topic is being covered. And honestly, I want to hear the opinion of the blogger - that's why I'm there! What they have to say on the subject is just as important as the facts. I'm there for their voice. It's about conversation, and when the content is outside the conversational tone, then it almost becomes daunting.

Those of us who spend any length of time in the social media space tend to have a laundry list of blogs that we read each day. Some we scroll through just to get the gist of what the writer is discussing, others we're sure to read word for word every day. My reader has 75+ blogs in it, can you imagine if each one of those posts was technical in nature?

Visuals help too. Break up those words with a few photos or relevant videos, will ya?

Thanks!

Maybe that makes me a snob, or someone who prefers to get her information at a 6th grade reading level, but as I see it, information in social media should remain conversational - quick and easy to consume. After all, there's so much of it and so little time to sift through the technical jargon.

Just a thought from a dedicated blog writer and reader.

Cheers!

-A

Rant: Bad Mood

It's been quite a while since I've had one of those days where I'm just in a shit mood.

I guess I'm blessed with my irritation being limited to fleeting moments. It does help that my fiance has an incredible sense of humor that he uses to get me to laugh and snap out of it.

Of course, it's not even noon yet and I'm stuck at the office with this incredible bad mood that I just can't shake. What's worse is that I really don't have any good reason for it.

But it got me to thinking about crappy moods and that people, in general, allow their happiness to be affected by the behavior of others way too much.

There are so many times in life where, when you encounter someone who is in a wretched mood, their reasoning is because of something someone else did or said. Here are a few good examples:

• People you encountered were rude - customer service, those you run into during a commute, colleagues at work, the list goes on.
• Someone you trusted betrayed that trust - whether a friend spilled the beans on something you confided or a family member called you out and/or didn't support you in public, their actions directly affected your mood.
• You received non-constructive criticism.
• Or even something as simple as someone not behaving the way you had expected.

I've come to learn that expectations can lead to bad moods, because it's not uncommon that when you have high or very specific expectations of others that they're often not precisely met. This isn't at the fault of the person for whom you have these expectations though, especially if you haven't been open about what you expect. So either set expectations up front (when it's appropriate, anyhow) or learn to be a bit flexible.

Flexibility in any type of relationship, whether it's a family member, significant other, close friend or casual acquaintance, understanding that everyone is unique and goes about things in different ways can come to benefit you in the long run - if nothing else than keeping frustration at bay.

No one likes to be wrong or to not have things go their way, but if you can be a little less rigid in your daily dealings, it won't feel so much like "being wrong" or being disappointed - it'll just feel different (thanks to my yoga instructor for discussing rigidity during class last night...turn out that was pretty timely).

It all comes down to having some control over your own happiness. Have a bit of confidence in yourself and the actions you take. If you truly believe in yourself and the life you're leading, you can learn to incorporate flexibility into you outlook.

And if nothing else, you can look at the naysayers knowing that it's not you, it's them.

Anyway, this is just a bit of advice from the front lines of a bad mood. Writing has helped a little...if only I could blog all day long :)

Cheers!

-A

Social Media Burnout

As someone who works in social media 5 days a week and who spends a great deal of her free time doing things like blogging and participating in conversations on Twitter and Facebook for my clients, I'll be the first to tell you that, if you're not careful with social media, burnout will slap you upside the head.

For the last few months, I've been feeling this sense of complete disgust with all things social media - specifically Facebook - and my participation has dwindled. I blamed it on the job, noting that working in social media 10 hours a day has made it nearly impossible to enjoy participating on a personal level. In fact, I think I've even said a handful of times that I do everything I can to avoid Facebook when I'm not at work. Note: to some it's probably quite clear that I've taken the energy I used to put into these outlets and aimed it at my blogging, hence the wicked increase in posts here. Which, as I see it, isn't a bad thing either!

Recently, something seems to have changed. In the past few weeks, I've slowly started jumping into the conversation again. My posts on Twitter aren't just self-serving anymore, (read: promoting a recent blog post), I'm back to reaching out to others, seeking out information, actually reading the updates that come across Tweetdeck. Same with Facebook - I'm back in action when it comes to taking part in the conversations and posting information that isn't just rubbish about myself for the sake of posting.

All this got me to thinking about the purpose of social media. When I joined Facebook back in college, it was a tool for college kids to keep in touch with friends, link up with old friends and stalk potential new friends. ;) I kid.

But since the evolution of platforms like Facebook and Twitter, the purpose of daily participation has morphed a bit. As I see it, you get out of social media what you put into it. If you're an information seeker, you can only spend so much time as a voyeur before you have to sack up and share some of your resources with others. Utilizing Facebook and Twitter to share links to articles and blog posts that you find interesting, sharing photography and videos that helped you learn, that you think would be helpful to others.

There's an element of Karma in social media. If you're just there for yourself, you're likely not going to see it's full potential. But if you're willing to put in a bit of energy, you might be surprised what you get out of it.

So for all you bloggers out there who crave comments, be sure you're out there reading and providing genuine feedback to others on their blogs. Facebookers and Tweeters, if you haven't already, start joining the conversation to talk about more than yourself. You might be surprised at what happens.

Cheers!

-A

RAVE: Yoga Among Friends

For anyone who has been paying attention, it's no secret that I'm a big advocate of yoga. Not only is it great exercise and injury prevention, it's also good for the soul. Yoga helps me relax, it helps me stay sane.

You question that, just ask my fiance...he'll be the first to tell you that I'm much happier after a yoga class (and probably easier to live with in general when I'm practicing regularly).

After moving to Chicago, I was doing what I could to save my pennies, so I spent $10 on a couple yoga DVDs from Amazon in hopes of continuing my practice at home. Turns out, I'm not so good at 1) getting the motivation to take an hour out of my evening at home to pop in a yoga dvd, or 2) get my head into the practice with all the distractions that happen when you're at home.

I'm just the kind of girl who needs a peaceful space to get away from the cell phone and the ever-growing pile of laundry to really focus.

So, I decided to venture out and explore the world of yoga in the West Chicago suburbs. I had the intention of trying out a number of different studios before settling on one, since there seems to be an abundance within driving distance. But, after visiting just one, I think I might be hooked.

A couple weeks ago I headed to Yoga Among Friends in Downers Grove for my first yoga class in Chicagoland. I went to a level 1 vinyasa flow class because I wasn't entirely sure what level 1 meant in their terms, and since it'd been a few months since my last class, I wanted to ease into it.

Well, let me tell you, though it was a rather basic class, it was exactly what I needed. The class was a bit bare, mostly because it was during the holidays and everyone was too busy making and eating cookies to venture out, but with only a handful of people in the class, the instructor was able to provide plenty of 1 on 1 attention. It also was one of those classes that you could make into your own level of difficulty.

It was a 90 minute class that started with some inspiring thoughts to get your meditation juices flowing. We worked our way up from the floor and back down again. It was slow and basic, but still very challenging. I made a lot of mental realizations through this practice, let go of some things I'd been holding on to for far too long, and really got into the groove.

This is a class I've been thinking about ever since that first visit, and it makes me want to continue going back for more.

Beyond that, everyone there was very welcoming and friendly. Fellow classmates introduced themselves and instructors went out of their way to chat with me. I made it a point to mention that I have intentions of working toward my 200-hour certification and they all took an interest in that. HUGE bonus, as I've yet to find a studio that has been interested in that statement.

I'm excited to check out some of the other class options, as they have a wide variety for every yogi need and skill level. There's even a gentle asana/meditation class - that's a must visit in the coming weeks.

This is definitely a yoga studio that I would recommend to any of my friends. The name, Yoga Among Friends, speaks for itself. If you're in the Chicagoland area, be sure to check it out. You won't regret it.

Cheers!

-A

Thank you

Thank you.

Two words in the English language that aren't used nearly enough. I'll admit, I've been known to forget the "please" every now and again, but I do pride myself on showing gratitude where it's deserved...even for the smallest things.

These words are regularly spoken in my house - for things as silly as taking out the garbage or even saying the right words in a time of need. There's no lack of thanks at home. Maybe that means I'm spoiled and that I tend to expect these words more than others, but I truly believe that people neglect to say thanks more often than they should.

I've been known, at times, to thank in such abundance that it can boarder on annoying, but honestly, better to be too thankful than not enough, right?

The point is this, I believe that manners should dictate a thanks for those who go out of their way to do something nice for you, something that doesn't benefit them, to better your life. Friends often do this for one another, because they are your friends and that's what friends do. But, that doesn't mean you should be any less thankful than if a stranger went out of their way for the same task, right?

From what I've learned through my psych minor, it's human nature that once you're more comfortable in a relationship, whether romantic or platonic friendships, things like manners tend to relax too. But doesn't that just send the message to these people that your time isn't as important to them as say, as strangers?

Think about it - simple example: a stranger holds a door for you, you stop the conversation you are in and say a quick thank you. Nice. Polite. But, when it's you and a friend walking, she opens the door for you, do you stop the conversation you're in to say thanks, or did you just assume because you're friends, and you're together, that it's not needed?

Is this making sense?

I'm a huge advocate for thank yous. As most of us 20-something professionals know, a thank you can go a long way in making you proud of the assingment you handed into your boss and makes you want to work just as hard on the next project because you know they appreciate you. Sometimes, a thank you is all it takes.

But what about with your friends, did you ever think about that? Probably not. You do what comes natural. You help them out from time to time, you just expect the same. But that's the problem, the expectation part. Taking just a few seconds to say or type a thank you will let your friend know that you appreciate them.

Simple words of gratitude. It's really not too much to ask for.

So, to all those who have helped me in even the smallest of ways, my friends, my family, my fiance, my co-workers, and everyone else in my life who has lended a hand, or an idea, or whatever you did to make something in my life more positive, thank you.

Thank you. It really does mean a lot.

Cheers!

-A