I don't care

Have you ever noticed that when someone says something like, "I don't care" or, as I stated last night, "I don't give a crap!" there's this part of them that does seem to care?

"Whatever, I don't care." *rolls eyes*

Maybe it's just me, because I see that happening to me all the time (read: I'm the one stating my indifference). Thing is, it's not as if I truly don't care, it's more that I don't want to care.

There's a part of human nature - or maybe not so much nature as a behavior that we're grown up to act out - to be curious about other people. I've found this happens especially when you move away from some place or you have friends who move away from you, or when you become estranged from someone or some part of your life...we like to check up on that stuff, even though we know we really shouldn't waste our time with the past.

Things like social media make this such an easy thing by allowing us to hold onto some parts of our past, no matter how much they shouldn't matter, to keep them in our lives - even to the smallest degree.

So, those things that you "don't care" about are also those things that pop up in your Facebook news feed or in Gchat, reminding you.

And sometimes, no matter how much we want it, we have issues cutting these ties and moving on. Fear of change, I suppose?

Regardless, there are some aspects of my life that I have consciously removed, both from my consciousness and from social media. And if anything resembling that part of my past life pops into existence, I promptly remove it with a smile and continue on. Of course, there are times where it comes up in conversation and I politely mutter, "I don't care" and walk away. Or, like yesterday, "I don't give a crap."

Problem is, part of me does still give a crap, no matter how much I wish I didn't. Guess you can't help but look back on those things in life that didn't go as you planned and wonder how it could have been if... you know? Not always in the sense that you're missing something now, or that it could have been better in any sense of the word, but just that it could have been different - especially if you did something you weren't proud of.

I guess, it's all about learning from those situations, hence the reflection, and knowing now that your happiness in this moment and in the future is all that matters.

This is precisely what I've done. So I will continue to tell you that I don't care until I believe it myself.

Cheers!

-A