Challenge: Finding the Positive

So I have a challenge for my readers out there (and for myself!). This is something I practiced for a quite some time a few years back and became pretty proficient at it if I do say so myself.

It was a struggle at times, but ultimately I was happier all around than when my focus swayed the other direction. Though somehow I lost sight of this frame of mind, unfortunately...

Here it is: no matter what happens, try to find the positive.

Or at the very least, don't immediately jump to the negative.

Believe it or not, there really is a positive side to almost every situation.

Loss leaves room for new, often better opportunities. Failure shows you how to accomplish something bigger and better than you'd ever dreamed. Struggle often leads to the most rewarding successes.

It's not so much an "everything happens for a reason" mentality so much as it's finding the good in situations rather than getting your panties in a bunch over every little thing that doesn't go your way.

I've been seeing a lot of this lately, at the office, with my friends, even in the comments that people post online, it's like people are never happy with what's going on around them.

Well guess what, most of the time things don't work out precisely as you think they're going to. That's life...it's also what makes it a little exciting.

So the next time something doesn't go quite as planned, take a step back for a second and look at how this is a good thing, rather than getting upset about it. I'll be practicing this right along with you!

I bet you'll find that you make yourself much happier in this frame of mind.

Cheers!

-A

30 before 30

As you may have noticed, I'm on this "focus on me" kick right now. So what a better way than to think about those things I want to do in the near future.

Typical interview question: "where do you see yourself in the next five years?"

That one's always been tricky for me, because honestly, I don't have a clue what I want to do with the rest of my life. I know that I like my career and that I'm happy with where my life has taken me so far, but of course I'm always striving for the best - not to mention that I'm always craving change.

Of course, this doesn't stop me from creating some goals for myself. I've never been one for a 5-year plan, that's just a disaster waiting to happen - when one piece of that plan doesn't go as, well, as planned, the rest is out the window.

But when I came across my friend's 30 before 30 list, I couldn't resist the challenge to put one together. So, I'm gonna shut up now and give you my list of 30 things I want to accomplish (in no particular order) before I hit the big 3-0. Which, for those who are counting, is more of a 4 year plan given that I just surpassed 26...

1. Get out of debt.

2. Own a dog.

3. Earn my SCUBA certification.

4. Volunteer at a soup kitchen.

5. See an outdoor play.

6. Travel to Amsterdam.

7. Get organized.

8. Move out of Cleveland.

9. Swim with dolphins.

10. Take a trip to Angel Falls.

11. Marry the love of my life.

12. Watch the sunrise and sunset on the same day.

13. Jump off the New River Gorge Bridge.

14. Spend a day at the spa.

15. Take my grandfather to dinner.

16. Wander NYC without a plan and see where it takes me.

17. Shoot a hand gun.

18. Travel with my father.

19. Sell some (more) of my photography.

20. Begin writing a book.

21. Be a muse for a photo or portrait.

22. Get a very personal, meaningful tattoo.

23. Write a living will.

24. Learn to dance and do it in public.

25. Get published in a national magazine.

26. Learn to ride a motorcycle (road bike, been there done that with dirt bikes).

27. Invest for my future.

28. Finish a crossword puzzle.

29. Take a wine appreciation course.

30. Learn to let go and stop caring so much what others think.

As you'll notice, some of these I'm well on my way toward accomplishing. This list is very do-able (aside from the crossword puzzle part, not so sure about that one)!

Though as I was generating this list, I came up with other, longer term goals that would be more a part of a bucket list. So I'm adding a #31 to this list:

31. Create a bucket list (see the start of it below):

-Skydive in New Zealand

-Establish and run a 501(c)3 (ideally before 30, but I'm not going to hold myself to that)

-Travel to Rio de Janeiro

-Go on vacation and leave my cell phone at home

-Buy a house

-Scuba Dive the Great Barrier Reef

-Enter a video contest

-Own a sports car

-Travel to as many destinations on the 1,000 Places to See Before You Die list.

So tell me dear readers, what's on your 30 before 30 list?

Cheers!

-A

Making YOURSELF the priority

I have this tendency at times to make everything in my life a priority with the exception of myself.

My career, my relationships, networking, blogging, skydiving...the list goes on.

What I find happens from time to time is that the world shows me that I need to focus on me - and it's usually not in the most pleasant way. These wake up calls typically involve sickness or some other setback that makes me realize I haven't been paying enough attention to my own well-being.

Though, this hasn't always been the case. Sure, in college, I tended to beat the hell out of myself, with drinking and staying up till all hours, but when I lived in Texas it was the complete opposite. After breaking my foot (the first time) I made sure to take vitamins, eat healthy, work out every day after work, attend 2 yoga classes a week, make time to watch my favorite TV show every Thursday, sneak out of the office once a day for a 10 minute walk in downtown Dallas to enjoy the sunshine, go for runs in the park on nice days, get regular massages, grab my camera for random photo shoots around the city...you get the idea.

I was in better shape and better health than I've ever been. But for the past few years, my hobbies and other responsibilities have taken over as priority, and I have taken a backseat.

This is NOT okay. I've been compromising my health, both mentally and physically for things that I thought mattered more.

A couple weeks ago I sat down and made appointments for the eye doctor, the dentist, the massage therapist, and even at my salon. I felt pretty good about that. But I quickly forgot about taking care of myself on a daily basis as well. Oops.

Well I'm making it a point to bring some focus back to me. After all, I can't be the best at the things that have become high priority in my life without being in good shape myself, right?

Now I certainly can't expect that I'll be able to do all those things I was once able to fit into my life in Dallas, after all, life has changed drastically since that time, my job doesn't allow for a 10 minute break most days, and I don't have cable so there will be no TV watching, but there's no reason why I can't find time to practice yoga once a week, or read a chapter in a good book every few days. And I have promised myself in the recent past that I'd get back on the horse when it comes to my photography, for which I haven't been doing a very good job.

As someone who truly believes that the most important relationship you have in this world is with YOURSELF you think I wouldn't need random, and sometimes scary, wake up calls to get me back on track. But then again, no one is perfect.

It's all in an effort to become a better person - for my relationships, for my hobbies, for my career, and most importantly, for myself.

I encourage you to do the same. Challenge yourself to take time every day to focus on yourself. You might be surprised just how much it helps your mental and physical state. I'm certainly looking forward to the rewards.

Cheers!

-A

Poll: dealing with fake "friends"

Last night the BF and I got into a discussion on dealing with people who are rude, two-faced, irrational or just downright pigheaded.

This was one of those times where we completely disagree with one another. But don't get me wrong, that's not a bad thing in the slightest. We do what works for us - can't get after someone for that. And there are even times where I've taken our differences and blended them together to make a better solution (I'm sure he's done the same from time to time, right honey?), these differences only work to make you a better person, in the end. But I do find it interesting that our approach differs so much.

Here's a scenario to put it into perspective a bit: so you have this person, who you assume is your friend, right? But they're always making shitty comments, doing stupid things that really get under your skin. You blow it off, cuz that's what friends do, give each other crap, and you don't want to be a big puss about it...Then you find out that they are doing and saying this shit behind your back as well. You're irritated...so what do you do.

Here are the two trains of thought on this one:

1. The next comment that's made you get in their face, let them know just how you feel about what they have to say. Essentially, do something about it.

2. Let it roll off your back. Not everyone is going to be the friend you think they are, but getting upset about it just isn't worth your time or energy. Stay strong and keep on being who you are, no matter what other people think.

These are very dumbed down versions of the discussion, but you get the idea.

I fall into the latter category - my theory is, if someone can't be a good friend all the time, then they're just not worth the effort. Saying something isn't going to change anything, because they are going to be who they want to be, regardless.

The BF, of course, falls into the former category. His thought isn't so much about trying to get someone to change so much as standing up for what you believe in, letting people know it's not okay to act this way if you want to be friends, and getting it off your chest.

Both have very valid points, as I'm sure both have their flaws. And of course, what works for some may not work for others, but I'm curious, which side of the fence do you stand on? The one that's a little more passive, maybe a little more Buddhist in approach, or the one that gets the point across and gets the tension off your chest?

Poll time - category 1 or 2, and why?

Cheers!

-A