Should have escaped while I could

Though I am typically opposed to documenting personal information or dating experiences in the public blogosphere, I decided that the following story is just too good not to share. It came up during a game of Wii bowling late last night with my roommate and a couple of our friends and it was the entertining topic of the night. In fact, when I first told my roommate about this first-date experience, she chuckled lightly and responded with, "you just made me feel better about every bad date I've had the past six months, thanks." You're welcome.

A while back I met a boy while I was out with my friends. He was mid-20s, attractive, had a job to support himself, and could hold a conversation so when he suggested we hang out again I considered it. After discussing with my friends (as all girls do) they agreed that he seemed like a decent person. So when it came time to decide if I was going to attend a sporting event with him one evening after work, my mind went back to our first encounter and it seemed like a good idea. And in fact, it was. He managed to get my roommate and I two great seats to the game and we all had a good time. At the end of the night we concluded that he was really cool and I should definitely hang out with him again. But boy did he fool us.

He had asked me out for the following Saturday, mentioning dinner and a movie as a good possibility given that it was supposed to rain. During the day before the rain set in I managed to enjoy some sun and accomplish all of my weekend chores. Come 8 p.m. he had still not called, though by this time my stomach overruled my brain and I made myself dinner. A text message asking if he still wanted to hang out revealed that he did, but not until 10 p.m. This is where, if I would have been smart, I would have backed away. Maybe subconsciously I knew what was coming, and at least I'd have a good story to tell later, right?

...10:00, 10:30, 10:45 - incoming text: "left later than I wanted, be there by 11." ...11:00, 11:15, 11:25 - incoming call: "i'm waiting downstairs."

In the car I give him the benefit of the doubt and pretend that I forgot he said we'd be going to dinner. "So, how was your day? Did you get to enjoy the weather before this rain started?" To which he replied that in fact he got caught up in building his Web site and lost track of time. *Strike one* - since when is any Web site better than going on a date with a cute girl?

He suggests we go to a local bar because there's a good band playing. Given my experiences with local bands, I was skeptical, but for some reason believed the words that were coming out of his mouth (though if I'd listened to the music coming out of his stereo I would have known the band was going to suck). Regardless, we go, there's a $3 cover charge. He hands the guy a $5, gets his change and walks in. That's right. Not only does he not pay for my $3 cover, but he doesn't wait for me to pay my own way! *Stike two* - hello, moron. You asked me out on this "date." Man up!

Oh, but it gets better...

So after one drink (for which he surprisingly paid), I can't take the suckiness of the band anymore and suggest we leave. Head to another local bar with a better band and no cover for one more drink. The conversation was dull, and the moment he asked me if I had beaten my score on Wii bowling yet (huh?) it was time to leave. As we are walking out he says, "I'm hungry." Well, I'm not, and I'm ready to go home, and at this point I only give a damn about myself. I should have asked for him to take me home first (in hindsight, I should have done a lot of things differently, but you know what they say about highdsight). Regardless, I shut my trap and pointed him in the direction of the nearest fast-food restaurant still open. He gets in line, orders the biggest meal he can, turns to me and says, "I don't have any cash."

Me: "They take credit cards."
Terrible date: "Oh, I don't do credit cards at fast food restaurants. Can I have some cash." - which rendered me speechless for quite some time - but oh the things I could have said...
Me: *Taking the longest pause EVER, looking at him like he just asked me to give him my left kidney*

Terrible date: "Like 5 bucks if you got it."

Me: *Hands him the 5 dollars...only God knows why, I'll never see that 5 bucks again. But I figure the quicker I give him the money, the quicker I get home and am rid of him forever.*

He pays, get's change back, and pockets it. Shaking my head and laughing at the situation at this point, I'm just happy his car is headed in the direction of my apartment. When we arrive I let out a huge sigh of relief and get out of the car; and so does he! I should have asked him where the hell he thought he was going, but of course I didn't. He comes up to my apartment, sits on my couch with the assumption that he's going to scarf down the fast food meal that I just purchased for him right there in front of me, when finally I get the cojones to kick him out so I can go to bed and forget about this night. He seemed surprised (oh wake up son!). When I walked him to the door, the last words I ever heard him speak were "so, can I chat with you online tomorrow?"

Sure, right after my World of Warcraft marathon and before I start my Halo game... *Strike 3, 4, 5, and 6* - no explanation needed

I, in fact, said nothing and shut the door.

So there you have it folks. Next time a date goes bad and you're feeling a litte depressed, please feel free to revisit this post for a reminder of how bad it could have been - and of course for a good laugh!

Comments on other date stories that are rediculous, funny, or just plain sad highly encouraged.

Cheers!

-A