Okay, so this is a random, quarter-life crisis post I suppose. I'm sharing a few of the lessons that have recently been uncovered in my life. It appears 2010 is a year of learning for me, so I'm embracing it and sucking up every ounce of knowledge that life has to offer...and now I'm going to share these learnings with you. Take this as you will - the advice might apply or it might not, but I believe it's insight worth sharing. Cheers!
******************************
So I've come to the conclusion that your 20s is really when you learn the most. Sure you go to school for nearly 20 years and that's supposed to be where you soak up your knowledge - in the classroom - but in reality you learn nothing about the real world until you are eyeballs deep in it.When you're in school, your friends are right along beside you. In the real world, true friends are few and far between, and you often learn the hard way who those friends are. Though, it's bittersweet, because learning who the real ones are can give you all sorts of warm fuzzies, while learning that those you once trusted aren't what they seemed can be disheartening. But I believe there's a reason for the connections that stick. There are just some people you click with from the beginning and usually these are the people who play an important role in your life. I have yet to learn exactly why this might be, maybe it's not for me to understand. I'll be sure to share if I ever figure it out.
I've also learned to embrace those wonderful female relationships - those women who have stuck by me through the craziness of my life will never truly know how grateful I am because I can't do enough to show them that. This goes for everyone from my mother to my girlie cousins (no matter how far away) to my grandmother to my best friends and all those badass women adrenaline junkies I've had the pleasure to share the sky with (and some I can't wait to one day). Women are crazy bitches, we all are, but those that trust and love you go above and beyond. Hold those ladies tight and be sure to do right by them. We all need each other...sticking together is key!
When you're in your 20s you also learn about priorities, what's most important to your well-being. There have been a number of events recently that have shown me what's important in life and what can wait. Personally, I'm also learning balance. Until recently I've been an all or nothing kinda girl. If I'm going to do something, I'm going to completely emerse myself in it, never coming up for air, until I've accomplished exactly what I set out to do. Turns out, that doesn't work as well as I once thought. There's gotta be a balance. Life is like baking. There are lots of ingredients that make your life into the perfect pastry...I have yet to figure out the precise amounts of each "ingredient," but I finally start to feel like I'm getting there. I haven't made the perfect cupcake yet, but at least it's got a cake-like texture.
Okay, that got lame. Apologies.
Now is this a time for figuring out who you are and what you want to do with your life, but it's also a time to figure out how to BELIEVE in who you are. One thing I've learned is that you can't compromise who you are for other people. Most people in this world suck - they're selfish and don't give a shit about you, so why give a crap about them? Stay true to who you are, and those that matter most will stick around. Besides, you're at your best when you can completely be yourself. Personally, I want to be around people who appreciate me for who I am, and vice versa. Fakeness has never worked for me - it doesn't work for most, I have a feeling, as I can often see right through those who try too hard.
Be there for your family, make them a priority. Whether you like it or not, they're not going anywhere, so you might as well enjoy the time you spend with them. You might be surprised how much you love the company of these people with whom you share a bloodline. ;)
Though I've come to learn that "family" doesn't necessarily mean what I once thought. You don't have to be blood relation to be apart of a family. My closest friends are my family. My boyfriend is my family. And of course, my actual family is my family. I'm lucky to have incredibly supportive relatives - not everyone does. But those people who stick by you and support you and love you, they are your family too. Treat them as such. Be loyal and commit to them the way they have to you.
Be a part of something bigger than yourself. This can be anything from volunteering to starting a family or even owning a pet, to devoting your life's actions to a particular cause. This will help you step out of the selfish life most of us lived growing up and become a useful part of society. It also will help you realize that it's not always about you (some people desperately need to learn this lesson - though unfortunately, some never will) there are bigger, more important things out there. Strive to make an impact.
Be polite. Smile as often as possible. Say thank you. These little things make a huge difference, and you never know when that might be the brightest spot in someone's day.
Have passion for something. Anything. Whether it's a hobby, your family, even your career. This is where you can truly learn to live. Passion gives you something to wake up for in the morning. It provides a direction. It makes progress in this area seem less like work - it becomes enjoyable. Passionate people are the ones who make an impact in this world. They care and they are devoted to this passion. They do something with their life. I like to be passionate about everything I do, it helps you live in the moment. Which brings me to my next point...
Live in the moment you're in. Often we spend too much time looking ahead or dwelling on the past, but we're missing what's happening in front of us. Stop. Embrace the moment. Talk less and listen more. This is great advice I was once given by someone much wiser than me. I'm just the messenger...still working on this one. Each and every day.
Let's see...what else.
Oh right! Your health. Take it into your own hands. When you're a kid you have to go to the doctor, your parents make you. Be proactive as an adult. Make appointments, take a multivitamin, eat healthy, don't smoke, don't drink like you're still in college. Bad shit can creep up on you fast. Beat it to the punch.
I'm sure there's some advice about money and saving for your future and all that, but honestly that's not a lesson I've completely learned yet. Budgeting and sticking to it is a challenge I continue to struggle with...'saving' might as well be a four letter word in my vocabulary. Hopefully one day life will show me the way - preferably not so much the hard way.
Either way, your 20s is a time for getting it figured it out, hopefully. Though I'm confident the learning continues throughout life, the 20s seems to be a decade of learning by doing -- life isn't something you can learn in a textbook. It's all about experience, making mistakes, or even doing the right thing the first time and knowing it was right.
Many of my lessons have come this year, 26 is the magic age, apparently. Family, relationships, being a part of something bigger, responsibility - these are all things that have made themselves not only apparent but a priority in my life. I have a feeling this is just the beginning of what I'm about to discover. If you're interested, I'll keep sharing as I continue learning.
What are some of the lessons life has taught you lately?
Cheers!
-A
