Challenge: Finding the Positive

So I have a challenge for my readers out there (and for myself!). This is something I practiced for a quite some time a few years back and became pretty proficient at it if I do say so myself.

It was a struggle at times, but ultimately I was happier all around than when my focus swayed the other direction. Though somehow I lost sight of this frame of mind, unfortunately...

Here it is: no matter what happens, try to find the positive.

Or at the very least, don't immediately jump to the negative.

Believe it or not, there really is a positive side to almost every situation.

Loss leaves room for new, often better opportunities. Failure shows you how to accomplish something bigger and better than you'd ever dreamed. Struggle often leads to the most rewarding successes.

It's not so much an "everything happens for a reason" mentality so much as it's finding the good in situations rather than getting your panties in a bunch over every little thing that doesn't go your way.

I've been seeing a lot of this lately, at the office, with my friends, even in the comments that people post online, it's like people are never happy with what's going on around them.

Well guess what, most of the time things don't work out precisely as you think they're going to. That's life...it's also what makes it a little exciting.

So the next time something doesn't go quite as planned, take a step back for a second and look at how this is a good thing, rather than getting upset about it. I'll be practicing this right along with you!

I bet you'll find that you make yourself much happier in this frame of mind.

Cheers!

-A

30 before 30

As you may have noticed, I'm on this "focus on me" kick right now. So what a better way than to think about those things I want to do in the near future.

Typical interview question: "where do you see yourself in the next five years?"

That one's always been tricky for me, because honestly, I don't have a clue what I want to do with the rest of my life. I know that I like my career and that I'm happy with where my life has taken me so far, but of course I'm always striving for the best - not to mention that I'm always craving change.

Of course, this doesn't stop me from creating some goals for myself. I've never been one for a 5-year plan, that's just a disaster waiting to happen - when one piece of that plan doesn't go as, well, as planned, the rest is out the window.

But when I came across my friend's 30 before 30 list, I couldn't resist the challenge to put one together. So, I'm gonna shut up now and give you my list of 30 things I want to accomplish (in no particular order) before I hit the big 3-0. Which, for those who are counting, is more of a 4 year plan given that I just surpassed 26...

1. Get out of debt.

2. Own a dog.

3. Earn my SCUBA certification.

4. Volunteer at a soup kitchen.

5. See an outdoor play.

6. Travel to Amsterdam.

7. Get organized.

8. Move out of Cleveland.

9. Swim with dolphins.

10. Take a trip to Angel Falls.

11. Marry the love of my life.

12. Watch the sunrise and sunset on the same day.

13. Jump off the New River Gorge Bridge.

14. Spend a day at the spa.

15. Take my grandfather to dinner.

16. Wander NYC without a plan and see where it takes me.

17. Shoot a hand gun.

18. Travel with my father.

19. Sell some (more) of my photography.

20. Begin writing a book.

21. Be a muse for a photo or portrait.

22. Get a very personal, meaningful tattoo.

23. Write a living will.

24. Learn to dance and do it in public.

25. Get published in a national magazine.

26. Learn to ride a motorcycle (road bike, been there done that with dirt bikes).

27. Invest for my future.

28. Finish a crossword puzzle.

29. Take a wine appreciation course.

30. Learn to let go and stop caring so much what others think.

As you'll notice, some of these I'm well on my way toward accomplishing. This list is very do-able (aside from the crossword puzzle part, not so sure about that one)!

Though as I was generating this list, I came up with other, longer term goals that would be more a part of a bucket list. So I'm adding a #31 to this list:

31. Create a bucket list (see the start of it below):

-Skydive in New Zealand

-Establish and run a 501(c)3 (ideally before 30, but I'm not going to hold myself to that)

-Travel to Rio de Janeiro

-Go on vacation and leave my cell phone at home

-Buy a house

-Scuba Dive the Great Barrier Reef

-Enter a video contest

-Own a sports car

-Travel to as many destinations on the 1,000 Places to See Before You Die list.

So tell me dear readers, what's on your 30 before 30 list?

Cheers!

-A

Making YOURSELF the priority

I have this tendency at times to make everything in my life a priority with the exception of myself.

My career, my relationships, networking, blogging, skydiving...the list goes on.

What I find happens from time to time is that the world shows me that I need to focus on me - and it's usually not in the most pleasant way. These wake up calls typically involve sickness or some other setback that makes me realize I haven't been paying enough attention to my own well-being.

Though, this hasn't always been the case. Sure, in college, I tended to beat the hell out of myself, with drinking and staying up till all hours, but when I lived in Texas it was the complete opposite. After breaking my foot (the first time) I made sure to take vitamins, eat healthy, work out every day after work, attend 2 yoga classes a week, make time to watch my favorite TV show every Thursday, sneak out of the office once a day for a 10 minute walk in downtown Dallas to enjoy the sunshine, go for runs in the park on nice days, get regular massages, grab my camera for random photo shoots around the city...you get the idea.

I was in better shape and better health than I've ever been. But for the past few years, my hobbies and other responsibilities have taken over as priority, and I have taken a backseat.

This is NOT okay. I've been compromising my health, both mentally and physically for things that I thought mattered more.

A couple weeks ago I sat down and made appointments for the eye doctor, the dentist, the massage therapist, and even at my salon. I felt pretty good about that. But I quickly forgot about taking care of myself on a daily basis as well. Oops.

Well I'm making it a point to bring some focus back to me. After all, I can't be the best at the things that have become high priority in my life without being in good shape myself, right?

Now I certainly can't expect that I'll be able to do all those things I was once able to fit into my life in Dallas, after all, life has changed drastically since that time, my job doesn't allow for a 10 minute break most days, and I don't have cable so there will be no TV watching, but there's no reason why I can't find time to practice yoga once a week, or read a chapter in a good book every few days. And I have promised myself in the recent past that I'd get back on the horse when it comes to my photography, for which I haven't been doing a very good job.

As someone who truly believes that the most important relationship you have in this world is with YOURSELF you think I wouldn't need random, and sometimes scary, wake up calls to get me back on track. But then again, no one is perfect.

It's all in an effort to become a better person - for my relationships, for my hobbies, for my career, and most importantly, for myself.

I encourage you to do the same. Challenge yourself to take time every day to focus on yourself. You might be surprised just how much it helps your mental and physical state. I'm certainly looking forward to the rewards.

Cheers!

-A

Poll: dealing with fake "friends"

Last night the BF and I got into a discussion on dealing with people who are rude, two-faced, irrational or just downright pigheaded.

This was one of those times where we completely disagree with one another. But don't get me wrong, that's not a bad thing in the slightest. We do what works for us - can't get after someone for that. And there are even times where I've taken our differences and blended them together to make a better solution (I'm sure he's done the same from time to time, right honey?), these differences only work to make you a better person, in the end. But I do find it interesting that our approach differs so much.

Here's a scenario to put it into perspective a bit: so you have this person, who you assume is your friend, right? But they're always making shitty comments, doing stupid things that really get under your skin. You blow it off, cuz that's what friends do, give each other crap, and you don't want to be a big puss about it...Then you find out that they are doing and saying this shit behind your back as well. You're irritated...so what do you do.

Here are the two trains of thought on this one:

1. The next comment that's made you get in their face, let them know just how you feel about what they have to say. Essentially, do something about it.

2. Let it roll off your back. Not everyone is going to be the friend you think they are, but getting upset about it just isn't worth your time or energy. Stay strong and keep on being who you are, no matter what other people think.

These are very dumbed down versions of the discussion, but you get the idea.

I fall into the latter category - my theory is, if someone can't be a good friend all the time, then they're just not worth the effort. Saying something isn't going to change anything, because they are going to be who they want to be, regardless.

The BF, of course, falls into the former category. His thought isn't so much about trying to get someone to change so much as standing up for what you believe in, letting people know it's not okay to act this way if you want to be friends, and getting it off your chest.

Both have very valid points, as I'm sure both have their flaws. And of course, what works for some may not work for others, but I'm curious, which side of the fence do you stand on? The one that's a little more passive, maybe a little more Buddhist in approach, or the one that gets the point across and gets the tension off your chest?

Poll time - category 1 or 2, and why?

Cheers!

-A

Baffled by the 6-incher

As a woman, there's one thing that's always confused me about our gender.

The need to wear overly high heels.

What did you think I was referring to?...And now you can remove your head from the gutter.

But really, what's the point? Sure, I get the idea of heels making your calves and ass look amazing, and they sure do help, but from my experience this can be accomplished with a small heel - inch or two tops will suffice.

What's more, I'm a shorty! Topping out at 5'3" there are days where I could use the extra height, but honestly, my favorite pair of dress shoes are a black, round toe MaryJane that maybe, just maybe bring me to 5'5". I suppose I've embraced my short stature, but I still don't get the women out there who think they need shoes like this to survive.

Okay, so that's an exaggeration, of course. But I just saw this girl walking in my building in what was probably 5" heels and she was walking as if she was healing from two broken legs. She was wobbly and clearly very uncomfortable. Not to mention that she was moving at a snails pace, because really, who can take a normal stride in tall, pointy shoes?

I mean really, this just doesn't look comfortable.

In this country, our obsession with high, tight, pointy, uncomfortable women's shoes boarders on insanity. When I see a woman who has stuffed her feet into a pair of pumps that her tootsies clearly want to revolt against (have you seen the women whose feet spill over the side of their shoes because they're shoved in so tightly - it looks like they have foot fat, seriously), I can't help but think about the foot binding that Chinese women are subjected to.

So my question is this - can anyone explain to me exactly what the point is?

Cute shoes don't have to be this uncomfortable. And as I noted before, an inch or two will get just about anyone where they want to be with that extra lift. So unless you're 4'6" and really, truly need the extra height, what's the point?

I'm sticking with my comfy 1 inchers and keeping my head high - well as high as it can go - and being proud of my short little legs.

Cheers!

-A

An inward focus

As I was listening to one of those brain-dead radio shows last week, there (inadvertently) was a rather smart message that came across.

One of the hosts was going on about how he cares about what the hosts of other shows on their network think and what they say about their show. Host #2 gave him tons of crap about that - who gives a shit what everyone else thinks. More than that, why do you care about what they DO? Who has time to worry about what other people are doing?

Good point!

At this point in time, many of us live our lives very publicly - online! Things like Facebook and Twitter and Foursquare not only let people tell others what they are up to at every moment of every day, but now they can tell others exactly where they are doing it.

Facebook has become less about connecting with others and sharing common interests and more about bragging rights.

I'll admit, after spending much time on Facebook, I'm a little jaded. I see so many people everyday with nothing better to do than bitch and moan about things they don't like and to spend time crafting the perfect status update to let everyone know, once again, just how awesome they are.

So what's to come is highly opinionated.

In this virtual age we're in, people are spending more time lurking online. I'll admit, I do it from time to time - especially with blogs. I often read and never comment, mainly because I don't have anything witty or worthwhile to say.

People are doing this with all social media channels, and I think it's sparking competition where none existed before. Status updates are used to "one up" people that are supposed to be your "friends." Photos and videos are posted to prove a point. Real life friends are turning against one another because someone hung out with the group and didn't invite someone else, and they're posting it all on Facebook just to hurt those that were left out.

Cyber-bullying!

And it's not just limited to kids. In fact, I often think that adults are more prone to this type of behavior. I won't even go into the passive-aggressive behavior that's out there. You can read my thoughts on that here.

For most of us who spend any amount of time in the online world, we've either seen or experienced this first hand.

I often hear people complain about the "lifecasters," those people who broadcast every move they make, "I'm at work," "I'm at home," "I just pooped and there was corn in it." (I can't take credit for that one...came from a much wittier friend), but you get the idea.

But I think my biggest gripe is the people out there who are just trying to be assholes.

....

Okay, so this got quite a bit off topic, let me get back.

The point was that so many people spend so much of their waking lives these days worried about what others are doing, saying and thinking (this is made easier by the social media channels noted above, and by the lifecasters who post every move they make...see it all comes together somehow), that maybe it's time to take a look inward for a change and focus on what you are doing.*

We've all been there at some point, thinking about what someone else is doing, caring what their thoughts are, but when you look at the big picture, who has time for that?

Last week I spent a little time reflecting on the things in my life, the things that are missing. I've never been the type of person to have one focus in life. I love my job, I love my family, I love skydiving, I love blogging, but any one of these things by themselves are not enough. I like to be multi-dimensional I suppose.

A big part of my life that's been missing lately is my photography - something I've been meaning to get back. So I've made a plan to get that back. And hopefully I can start sharing some fun stuff with y'all again, right here :).

But remember how I mentioned not having time enough time in the day - well that just slapped me upside the head as I continue to ramble. So I'm off to get back to my day.

Thanks for letting me rant - what's your rant of the day?

Cheers!

Ashley

*Many life lessons have recently pointed to the idea that you should embrace how you're living your life, be proud of the choices that you make and to love the life you lead - no matter what others say.

Want: A list

this week is busy. so much so that i don't have time for capital letters.

so i'm stealing this quick and dirty little list from ang. of course, i'm changing it up a bit to be the things that i currently want. and, naturally, adding in a little explanation as is pretty standard with me. thanks, love! you're so inspiring :)

want.

• time and money to visit my family in california
• to order my custom freefly suit, but i'm having issues getting in touch with the designer
• a puppy - but i don't think i'm ready for that yet
• to live in the South again. most days, i miss it
• a big project at work, like really big. i'm ready for a new challenge
• to give up artificial sweetener again. that stuff is toxic
• a life that looks as organized as it is. like this
• to continue blogging and writing, and hopefully inspiring a few people along the way!

what are some of your wants?

cheers!

-a